Hello Homesong readers! Welcome to our first of two discussion over No-Drama Discipline. I am so looking forward to seeing how this book has impacted you thus far. Andrew and I are learning so much and I’ll be sharing some of our takeaways below!
Like our last discussions, I am going to put the questions below for those who care to reference. I would love to hear how you liked this book, things that made you smile, takeaways that you found to be inspiring, quotes you were drawn to, or questions you may have come across while reading. Write them below, spark discussion, and let’s go from there! You can respond to those who comment, leave a comment of your own, or do as you please. It’s important for me that you know this is our book club, not mine, so I will start things off and let y’all go from there.
No-Drama Discipline Reflection Questions Part I
1. What does discipline look like in your home? What does your “autopilot” look like? Go through how you and/or your partner currently handle discipline situations with your kids to get a clear idea of what you are doing and where you want to go.
2. How does the way you were disciplined affect your current disciplining style?
3. I find that when I am stressed about getting something done I tend to be on patience, and little sleep can also affect the way I choose to respond to misbehavior. What specific things make disciplining difficult or overwhelming for you? How can you change your habits to help affect the way you choose to respond to your children?
4. What does having a schedule or a rhythm at home have to do with discipline?
5. Is the “why, what, how” method practical for you? How can you use the information given in this chapter to help you slow down and choose a “time-in” method that considers both short-term and long-term goals, as opposed to one that punishes and shames?
6. What are three “aha!” or takeaway moments you had while reading this first chapter? Write them out and reflect on why those particular things struck a chord with you. Share them with your partner and talk about ways you as a family can learn from these takeaways.
7. Visualize the metaphor, “A child’s brain is like a house that’s under construction.” How does this image of incompleteness help you have more empathy and grace towards your young ones when disciplining or correcting their misbehavior? What other metaphors or kinds of imagery did you connect with in these chapters?
8. I really enjoyed the quote, “If repeated experiences actually change the physical architecture of the brain, then it becomes paramount that we be intentional about the experiences we give our children.” Pg. 42 What kind of intentional experiences do you and your partner want to give your children? How do these experiences reflect your values as a family?
10. What is your biggest takeaway from the 3 C’s – the brain is changing, changeable, and complex? I really loved learning about how to engage the upstairs brain by naming emotions, and have found this strategy to be so helpful when deescalating situations and tantrums at home. I have never really considered putting names to emotions for Theodore and this is really helping him expand his emotional vocabulary while simultaneously being felt and heard by us. The way he looks at me when I connect with him now is so different, I can feel his thankfulness that I am his source of control and calm. How has this book helped you at home?
11. One of the biggest lightbulb moments for me in the second chapter was on page 65 when the author said, “But when you realize that these ‘misbehavior moments’ aren’t just miserable experiences to endure, but actually opportunities for knowledge and growth, you can reframe the whole experience and recognize it as a chance to build the brain and create something meaningful and significant in your child’s life.” In what ways can you remind yourself in the heat of the moment that your child is not acting out to hurt you or others, but simply that they are not able to control themselves? How did this section make you feel?
12. What specific kinds of connection do you think you child(ren) will best respond to when they are in the middle of a tantrum? Each of our little ones are different and therefore require different kinds of connections. What then, do you as their parent or caregiver need to make sure your needs are also being met?
13. How has this book changed your personal views of discipline thus far? I never really considered discipline as teaching before, and that has really stuck with me. If you were to recommend it to a friend, what tokens of wisdom would you pass along?
With Care, Amanda